Superpowers

I was camping last weekend and playing the mandatory “would you rather” game outside under the stars in a red and blue sleeping bag.

The just as mandatory, “Would you rather be able to fly or read people’s minds?” was one of the questions. I was excited by the unrealistic potential of choosing the ability to either hover or snoop around someone’s else’s head. I thought for a moment and said “fly” considering there might be horrible consequences in hearing everyone’s thoughts. Knowing people are saying to themselves, “Man, this dude’s a douche” or “Did I leave my hairdryer on?” seems much less appealing than zooming over the city and taking photos with my cellphone on a Tuesday afternoon.

But then I thought, can superheroes control this stuff? Like, would you wake up in the middle of the night and have your face bloody because it’s pressed against your popcorn ceiling, just because you were dreaming you were flying? I’m guessing it would be the same concept as peeing yourself when you were little, or last week, because you dreamed you were hunched over a urinal.

Or what if everyone thought you were a spawn of satan looking for victims, when you’re really just passing above buildings and traffic to go grab a gallon of milk from Wal–Mart? Even if you were a devoted Christian, you’d never be allowed in a church again. Instead, you’d have Pegans stalking you, finding your phone number and social URLs, and calling and sending messages to you at all hours of night and day asking what Hell is like. “I can just fly. I’m not satanic,” you’ll say. But it won’t make a difference to them; you’re now known as Eaglana, the demon of flying.

So, after some careful consideration, I don’t want to fly. I’m officially taking that back and making my own option of stopping time, thank you very much.